God designed male and female brains to complement each other.

In the previous post we explored the dilemma of Emma and Fred, that partly stemmed from the differences in the way male and female brains process emotions. Whether in marriage or leadership teams, when men and women work together to process concerns, they’ll find benefits such as making better decisions. We can use the practical principles listed below to assist the conversation.

While brain science shows general, overall differences between male and female brains, keep in mind that each individual processes information in a unique way. Some men may be more sensitive to emotions, while some women may not be. So while it’s helpful to understand brain science when working out relationships, in the real-time process, don’t dwell on male or female. Support individuals with the unique gift mix that each brings to the table.

We partner with Christ to adopt His attitude and direction with the goal of discerning His wisdom in moving ahead. The following principles are helpful guidelines:

Principles for Processing Together:

1. Check attitudes.
   Everyone?comes to the table with a humble attitude, surrendered to Christ, who stands in the midst as the Head of the conversation (Matt 18:19-20; Eph. 1:22-23). We’re here to?listen, process and move forward,?to discover wisdom the Spirit may reveal (I Cor 2:10-16). We don’t push agendas or change minds. Come to the table without pre-conceived notions. Keep ears open to hear God’s wisdom.?(See our book?Presence-Based Leadership,?for more ideas on Christ-in-the-midst team discernment.)
2. Provide security in relationship.
   Establish a safe place where people will not be ridiculed for their thoughts, but at the same time can receive truth as it concerns the situation.
3. Forgive.
   If the issue concerns an area of offense, to find freedom and wisdom, forgiveness must be extended to the offenders, whether or not they have repented. Meditate on Matt. 18:21-35. Good resources to help include:?The Freedom Factor (Wilkinson)?and?The Reason for God?(Keller).
4. Allow each person to exercise their strengths and gifts.
   As we process concerns, remain alert to the Spirit’s wisdom for insights, direction, confession and empathy as individuals function in their unique gift mixes. Everybody’s working toward the same goal of Christ’s wisdom. Attitudes that push to defend opinions or correct others for theirs will undermine the process.
5. Speak the truth in love.
   We’re looking for honest expression of concerns and the insight that Christ gives, but always speak with the attitude of supporting each other and reconciliation.
6. Look for insights to move forward with smooth transition, such as:
   1. Where we may need to extend or ask forgiveness
   2. How to engage, deal with, or bring reconciliation to any other people involved
   3. What mistakes we made and how to learn from them
   4. How to deal with any issues that were left hanging
   5. What the next steps or goals may be
   6. Surprises from the Lord, who often shows us HIs love and wisdom in unexpected ways
7. Keep spiritual antennas tuned to the Shepherd’s voice.?(John 10:3-4, 27).
   By ourselves, we’re helpless to find wisdom that brings lasting fruit. We see “through a mirror darkly” (1 Cor. 13:12). But together as we wait on His leading, “we have the mind of Christ” (1 Cor. 2:16). Throughout the discussion, don’t be afraid of quiet moments. Take time to refocus your thoughts on Christ and what He’s saying and doing through His Spirit. Our Lord delights in our partnering with Him, and will bring wisdom in the way we need to hear it.

Have you found any other guidelines helpful for processing emotions through difficult situations? If so, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to comment below.

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For more insight on discerning Christ’s wisdom together, get our book,?Mastering the Art of Presence-Based Leadership.

Keith Yoder and I are currently writing “Sacrifice and Fire,” a book about how men and women can practically work together as partners with Christ. To reflect a fuller image of God on earth, we need both male and female perspectives in leadership. Look for the book by the end of this year!